"From the Window to the Wall"

I like to save money in sections. I have a retirement section or two. I have a section that I haven’t designated yet, but probably something important like my unborn child’s private school tuition. (Oh wait, we don’t have those in Edgewood.) Guess I’ll use that section to pay off something important… like a hit man, maybe. I have a section for next summer’s vacation. Most importantly, I have the cosmetic surgery section. Some people think cosmetic surgery is vein, I deem it imperative. Unfortunately, my salary doesn’t allow much contribution to the cosmetic surgery fund and my procedures are behind schedule.

On the agenda:
Liposuction on my thighs
Botox on my forehead
Collagen in my lips

Since, however, age is getting the best of me and my almost-nothing income is struggling to keep up with the advancement of my body’s deterioration, I have to use affordable remedies;

Anti-wrinkle day cream
Anti-wrinkle night cream
Eye cream
Restorative facial serum
A cream for eliminating dark spots
Vitamin E cream
Mayo in the hair
Weekly masks

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” –Mark Twain

Sadly, I do mind and it does, indeed matter. I’ve been a runner since middle school. Just this year, I have to endure hip pain post-run. I have bouts of arthritis in my elbow. I forget important stuff, like putting ingredients into complicated recipes. I don’t like aging. I don’t want to grow old.

Some things make me feel especially ancient.

My dad and I have a few things in common. I’d like to say “all our exes live in Texas,” but that’s false under two accounts. One, they don’t all live in Texas. Two, it would be better said, “all of Texas is our exes.”

One of my dad’s exes used to make a delicious recipe of breakfast pizza. I like to call her Window. Obviously I had to live in my dad’s house to eat breakfast there, which means I was in high school… 2003. That’s 7 years ago, I think I’m going to throw up. Time flying is not a preference of mine!

I don’t want to think about that anymore, moving on. My darling little sister came to stay with me for a few days. We saw Wicked, went to the Ranger game, rode motorcycles, you name it! We reminisced about the week she came to Norman for a few days when I was in college…5 years ago. Again, vomiting, surely it hasn’t been 5 whole years. While she was there, we made a homemade pizza for dinner… sprinkling it with entirely too much cheese. That’s when I put two and two together… make Window’s breakfast pizza recipe with Kelsey. Oh how fun!

We made a midnight trip to Wal-Mart to purchase ingredients, not foregoing candy for the trip home. As old as I’m getting, I needed the sugar rush to make it safely back without falling asleep on the way. Wah-lah! The last morning of her visit we made delicious breakfast pizza. Thank you Window for the recipe. Thank you Kel for the memory. Thank you science for cosmetic surgery.

Lesson learned: Age may be inevitable, but I’m inevitably going to fight all physical indications of it.