By: Payton M. Ishmael
It’s unfortunate that some of the articles I feel most compelled to write evolve into confessions exposing the very cries of my heart. A little bit personal, but I suppose things like this must often be shared. Let me preface by informing you that, on occasion, I wake up and choose to be defeated by a negative thought process before I even get to the sink to brush away my morning breath. Today, is one of those mornings…
As I moped and mopped through the kitchen with a silent river of tears streaming down my cheeks, I couldn’t help but envy the happy families I’m surrounded by in east Texas. You often hear the description that Edgewood and surrounding small towns are ‘great place to raise a family.’ I hesitantly agree. I see it every day though. As my new students showed up to my classroom Thursday evening for ‘Meet the Teacher’ night, mom on one side, dad on the other, I longed for that same family bond. With age 27 staring me right square in the face, I sadly wonder if my time will ever come to fall in love with Prince Charming, raise a sassy, over-educated little girl and OU’s next star quarterback. Okay, that might be stretching it, but you get the idea.
With floors mopped and smelling cleanly of Pine-Sol, my OCD caught a glimpse of my dust-coated spice rack. I use it as a decoration more than anything, because it is visually appealing to me. I began scrubbing the shiny, silver and quickly noticed that the glass containers of the actual spice were quite dingy as well. By this time, my pity party is in full force. My vision is most blurred due to the glassy tears that cloud my view. I began wiping down one of the jars and thought to myself, “Wow! So this little spherical piece of nothing is all the faith I need…”
The 17th chapter of Matthew, verse 20 is a promise, “"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I stood there staring at the jar full of these tiny, little balls and was amazed by the visible representation of this verse. All I need is a single one of these… and then I flipped the jar over to read the lid, “CORIANDER.”
Ahh man! I thought I was having one of those revelations, where God sends you comfort and peace in the most unexpected ways. The tears came on full force. Now I’m single, childless, and ignorant. Stupid coriander. I don’t even know what coriander is, but I do know it’s different than mustard seed. Poor, pitiful me.
I poured a cup of coffee and sulked into my kitchen chair. I stared at all the spices across the room and dreaded completing the task of cleaning them after such a daunting discovery. It was the second to the last jar that I hastily wiped down and placed in its proper spot on the rack, “MUSTARD SEED.”
As it turns out, mustard seed is even smaller than coriander. In fact, I could rewrite the verse, “With faith smaller than a stupid ball of coriander…” Or perhaps, “With faith only a fraction of the size of coriander…”
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of these seeds, but I can’t express to you their microscopic size; Teensy tiny little morsels of almost-nothing. The answer to my heart’s desire is shoved inside a seed smaller than the punctuation at the end of this sentence. That’s all I need. I threw the entire jar in my purse so that every time I’m plagued with thoughts of loneliness or life knocks me down, I’ll remember that I need faith even smaller than coriander, and that I serve God far greater than my circumstances.
